Blogs

You can figure out how this blog ended up here by reading the words under the title.

I'm really not much for blogging, and I did write one post before, which I deleted because it was rubbish. However, today it is very hot outside and my apartment lacks this thing I've heard of called central air. Since I don't feel like moving and was talking with Koral this morning, I decided to write on a blog. For absolutely no reason.

One of the funniest things that has ever happened to me was when I was working at a camp called Elevate with Koral. I set up my stipulations for coming (I am staying at your house, I am staying away from kids, and I choose the games) and Koral set up his (No profanity, no smoking, and no strangling any of the closed minded conservative fundamentalist christian staff) and also convinced me that every single female counselor was a lesbian to save himself future trouble.

So Koral and I go over to a now extinct drug store called F and M. We need 8,500 cans of shaving cream. We locate the cans of shaving cream. The cost a single dollar and 97 cents. Koral informs me that this purchase would exceed the entire budget for the camp 9 times over. I tell him that is ridiculous. I'm jewish, I tell him, and there is no way in hell I am going to pay full price. We head to customer service. I ask for the manager. I am informed that the manager is not in. I ask who is running the store. I had not seen the other person behind the counter until this point. The woman who I am speaking with calls Jim over. I still don't see him.

I am standing there looking for said Jim and Koral is standing next to me explaining the situation to the floor. I know Koral does not do drugs, so I am baffled by this. I then realize that he is not talking to the floor but to a very short man named Jim. He was so small that I had not seen him.

I ask about some sort of discount. He replies "Id haveta tak to da manaja 'bout dat." Shocked, we leave him alone and walk away in hysterics. If I could locate the man and put a photo of him up, I would. So we settle on two jars of jalapeno peppers and call it an afternoon.

Around 1 am, we arrive at the Koral residence. Sober. and exhausted. I mention sober because his wife had serious questions.

I have to clear this up for the people who are never going to read this. Koral is married to Andrea. Andrea is really nice. Typically.

Koral heads upstairs to use the bathroom. I begin preparing my sheets on the kitchen floor. (Yes, they made me sleep on the kitchen floor by telling me all the stories of the wild sex they had on the leopard print couch. When I say they told me, I mean Andrea.) I go upstairs and get on my knees outside the bathroom door. I knock on the door and Koral opens it and looks down. I begin providing him with fellatio.....

So he looks down and I start doing this amazing impression of Jim from F and M. (Sorry about the fellatio line, that's disgusting.) I was dead on. I can still do the impression to this day and do it pretty much everytime I talk to Koral on the phone. So Koral is laughing so hard he is yelling. The bathroom door is on a small landing at the top of the stairs that also has the door to Mrs. Koral's bedroom.

In order to continue my impression over Koral's shrieks, I have to raise the volume level substantially. We both hear the sound. Koral dives into the next room like a huge vagina and leaves me to deal with his wife. I hear her door opening behind me. I have tears streaming down my face and am still laughing hysterically. She screams "Jason!" Which Koral and I think is even funnier because my name is Josh and she knows this.

I ran down the stairs and laid in bed and laughed.

You want to know why this story isn't funny to you? Because you weren't there. Which is why you suck.

Koral laughed.